by Kristopher Robin Rage & Otis “Wang” Johnson.

I just scored a free pound of grass
I went fishin’ – caught 17 bass
Fell down at Exxon – got free gas
It’s like Jesus jammed a horseshoe straight up my ass

I don’t have ID but my checks get cashed
I slept with an Augusta girl – didn’t even get a rash
I walked around naked without gettin’ harrassed
It’s like Jesus jammed a horseshoe straight up my ass

(Bridge:)
With all the twisted shit I’ve been hit with,
at least I’ve got my soul
And for all the sweet gifts that I happened to miss
I finally took an Ace  in the hole
Praise Jesus!

Collected 200 bucks at go & I didn’t even pass
I scored really cheap heroin without going to Mass
I’m even graduating early from my bartender class
It’s like Jesus jammed a horseshoe straight up my ass

I don’t pay any money – they still fill up my glass
I ‘m drinkin’ O’Douts & I still get trashed
I stopped having those dreams where I’m plankin’ Mama Cass
It’s like Jesus jammed a horseshoe straight up my ass

It’s like Jesus was pitchin’ horseshoes and BAM
One went right up my sorry, stupid, unlucky, pagan ass
And now I’m a believer, thank you!

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