Hello, is there anyone out there? Remember me? It’s X-Ray from York County Country Club Jail of America. Well, I put that crazy question out to you all because of my loneliness I’m going through. I’m like a very beautiful Rose stuck inbetween Sixteen thorns, I live in the land of misfits and being normal is overrated. Well, to them. I’m one to sit back, smoke a joint, and watch a favorite movie or two. Instead, I have to listen to a bunch of middle-aged men bitch and complain daily about stupid things. Why, if these men are so tough and set in their ways, do they need to gossip? It’s like worse than my local salon. No kidding. Or worse: “High School!” Ewwww.

I’m stuck in this so-called jail / kidding camp resort for the next six months. It’s actually a great thing for people who have no brains and depend on food stamps. Yeah, it’s a total joke. We have a full size sandy volleyball game area, as soon as you step out the door. To your right, you have the horseshoe pit. And of course, a full size gym. The only thing we are missing is a swimming pool. Although I’ve put requests in for me. It’s very calming to know that someday I’m sure some idiot around here will probably but one in. Got to love the tax payers money going to good use!

I’m in a SCCP Dorm House with sixteen other men as I have mentioned. It’s a secure community confinement program. It’s basically a resort without family and booze. Fun times.

The food here is actually not bad. I can’t complain. I’ve managed to lose forty pounds on the stuff. I’m looking great. Feeling even better. Although I can’t seem to make any friends. So, I’ve put all my energy into walking three to four miles a day and working the body out in our state of the art gym. I’ve gots to do something to pass the time and talking about mudruns and nascar bub is not on my things to do list.

So, to be a little serious for a moment. Since I have had nothing, no booze or weed to hide my problems, I’m having to face them head on & alone. It’s scary when you go through such a change and have no one to trust. I’m not sure if I’m the loser for being here or if I’m in the running for the Biggest Loser. Trying to make an honest friend out of someone. Seems like I’ve def missed the boat on staying out of jail. Staying out of trouble. Hoping now I can redeem the help I need to make my life worth living.

So, I guess for the first time in my adult life, I’m finally dealing with my issues and problems SOBER. It’s very different. But necessary. I know that even though I’m doing this on my own, it will be worth it when I return to the public. Acceptance: a word I can’t get past. How my whole entire life has revolved around accepting myself and others accepting me. It’s been thirteen years since I came out of the closet and it seems like I’m back in it. Sometimes I feel ashamed and very worried. I’ll work on that!!!

I’m done pouting. I want to be funny again. OH, so I am a third baseman on our “softball team.” Yeah, go Dorm 3. I hit the ball and throw the ball and catch the ball, ummm yeah that’s that.

Last week, I planted four hundred flowers by hand. Four thirty-foot gardens. By HAND. When did men decide it’s too girly to help me out? Give me a break! I love them, it looks like a great big gay candy land of colorful flowers. Yeah, me! The one guy that did help me is Frankie! He is the resident guru.

It’s a game to see who can be the biggest hicks or the best jock, or the greatest geek. WTF. I’m trapped in a fucking bad High School Musical without the song & dance, lol! I have yet to find one honest person in here (I know it’s jail not Yale) But really, I act the sane way inside jail or outside jail. I don’t live like a shitbag, it’s just not in my cards.

The guys think they are even more cool ignoring me. Makes them feel manly. Makes me wonder about what’s really wrong with this picture. Yes, I’m talking about the hick men who bitch and complain daily like little school girls with pretty polka-dotted dresses. I landed here in this “savior program” three weeks ago. It is 100% better than York County. But then again, so would be Haiti.

So, let’s recap. I’m not gossiping, not ratting, not smelling and have lost forty pounds. I have a great tan, thanks to my walking ability I’ve had since birth. So, why am I not cool enough for guys I don’t like? Why do I need their acceptance? Why do I fight for acceptance? It’s very lonely going through these changes alone. I’m the only one that seems to think my life needs to change or I will be back. I’m 32 years young. And WTF do I want out of my life? Although it has been fun.

I want to rub Frankie’s head and make a wish. Ya right this is, “jail not Yale!” Just wish these men could take a program! Any suggestions?

I’m wishing and praying for an acceptance program or tolerance program for these meat heads. Sounds like I will even learn from it. Fuck the AA program. Um quitter!

I am missing my real friends and real family SO MUCH. I am thinking I am so glad to be given a chance to change my life. Happy, very happy. I never killed anyone while I was drinking and driving. “Lesson being learned.” Like all things, time will pass.

Finally to the one I have yet to meet as my life partner: Get ready for some lovin’.

Till next time, bloggers – Have a good one. Send me some good vibes!

From the MCC resort and tanning salon, MUAH…

– X-Ray!
Ray Munson
MDOC# 83366

P.S. Thanks Rage! Thanks to Lyssarian posting for me! xoxo

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