It seems like people always want to study me. Try an figure out what makes me tick. The latest expedition has been into my mind. Someone in the department of corrections has unrealistically decided to send me through a nine – month long prison rehab program, just to find out why I drink….

So far they have told me that I have no control over my drinking, that it has put me in prison five –  times, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. That I have no manners, or morals, a lousy work ethic, have ruined all of my relationships, nobody trusts me, I’m apparently now a drug addict, and have an extensive arrest record for stealing. You wouldn’t imagine how shocked I was to find out what a piece of shit these people say I am. All of my life I’d been under the assumption that I’ve been the most solid person I know. Glad I came to this rehab, there’s no way that I can ever live with myself now.

In hind – sight, I can see all of the tell – tale negative aspects of my life that everyone around me must have seen all the while. Such as: how  I don’t lie, I work 12 – k hrs. a day and have since I was fourteen – years old, I drop everything to help a friend at anytime, I’m given the keys to million dollar houses to check on them while the owners are away, I am the only courteous person in my line of work in my area, I respect all elders as they should be, I help tons of family – friends – neighbors our with loans or cash, I have never treated women or children badly, I don’t steal from friends or family, I do all I can to keep punks and low – lifes and druggies out of my community, I respect my parents regardless of personal feelings, and I like cats.

I can see that all of this would be misleading to a trained observer that has spent years in school… I could have told them what I found out in 3 – 5 years of one on one counseling, I don’t have an addictive personality. That I’m addicted to nothing but living and breathing. I do have a drinking problem and have alcoholic tenancies when I remain drunk for long periods, all by choice, I drink because I don’t care, about me, or anything else, at times. I am totally depressed, all of the time. If I had a good woman, that I could trust, then I would have a reason to care, but I don’t. So, I could have saved them the eighty – grand and told them, that drinking doesn’t make me break the law, ever, and never has. The reason that I do illegal things is very simple. I simply don’t fucking care. No therapy needed. Anyone got a spare woman kicking around… That’s all of the therapy that I need. Someone to share my life with.

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