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Hey, Circle,

Well, it looks like we’re going to have a  pretty good winter after all.  Getting lots of snow now.  Haven’t seen any yeti running around, although some of the guys are large enough to qualify as yeti.  I guess we are going to get more snow this Wednesday and Thursday.  My New Years is going good.  Heck, no, I wouldn’t mind if anyone out there wanted to write me.

My sister is doing qiuite well.

Good night.

Kenneth McDonald

kenny

I am my own worst enemy.

For most of my life I have denied this and have been okay with not examining the reasons for my troubles.  Today I have decided that enough is enough, starting today I will be my best friend, I will love myself, an I will believe in myself.  I know, I know I am not saying anything new or unknown.  To quote the Declaration of Independence: “We hold these truths to be self-evident…” but this has not always been the case.  However, recent events in my life have made it abundantly clear that now is the time for change.

I have always looked down on people who have wanted to “recreate” or “reinvent” themselves.  In my mind if you didn’t like a part of who you are then you should have never let it become habit.  It is extremely ironic that I now find myself in situations where I must do the same.  For years I have allowed negative, damaging thoughts, emotions and actions in my life because I believed it was necessary to survive in the situations I found myself in.  Dr. Joe Dispenza has shown me how wrong I was.

“Your personality creates your personal reality.”

Dr. Dispenza says in his movie, Aligning your thoughts and feelings for a New Destiny.  The realization that my thoughts and feelings created my reality was something that I knew but have never explored.  Exploring this has forced me to remove the last of my blinders.  Now, more than ever, I can look around and see my present circumstances for what they are.

My present circumstances are the biggest and best opportunity I have even had to change.  I will no longer be who I think I have to be or who others want me to be.  I will become the man who I want to be.  Recognizing the truth in what Dr. Dispenza says has shown me that I have had and will always have the power to do better.  Dr. Dispenza also speaks about how in every case (that he studied) in which people made a miraculous recovery from a disease or illness, they surrendered themselves to a higher power.  This resonates with me because the idea of surrender has been the best and yet most difficult issue of my faith.

As a Muslim the idea of Allah being in control, wanting what is best for me, and not giving me more problems/pain than I can handle is a balm to my soul. Yet, I struggle with the concept that in order for Allah to be in control, I cannot be. The reality that he knows what is best for me and what is right for me stares me in the face every day.  I can no longer continue to fight it.  I have not demonstrated a love for myself or that I want what is best for myself, because who in their right mind would make the choices I have or want to be where I am?  Yet all of my thoughts have led me to this place.

I am now ready to embody the change that is  necessary for me to be who I should be.  Allah has blessed me with many talents and abilities that I have run from or misused for the majority of my life.  I am done with being somebody who has wasted potential; instead I will be somebody who has realized their potential.  I will not continue to be anything other than the best possible version of myself.  One of my favorite sayings is, “Our biggest fear is not the darkness, it is our light… for who are we to be beautiful?  Who are we to be powerful beyond all belief?”  I am paraphrasing a Nelson Mandela quote.  The events, conversations and lessons of this last year have led me to a point where I understand that without some serious painful introspection I will never stop makin the same mistakes.  It is not enough to not want to make them.  I have to understand why I am making them in the first place.

Starting this process has been eye-opening.  I will probably be doing it for the rest of my life, because once I started I do not wish to stop.. It has brought a clarity into my life that is much need.  I could wax poetically about all of the insights I have gained, but I won’t.  I will instead let them speak for themselves.  I am not the same person that I was last year, last month, last week or even yesterday.  It is my firm belief that these changes I have made and will continue to make will be apparent to all in my life.  It has been a long time coming but I am finally okay with being me.  As l as I am continually striving to be the best version of myself.  Some days I will make mistakes, fall or revert to old habits, but I will never stop picking myself up and trying for better.

As I am,

Prince

prince

Hey, Circle.

I want to thank you for keeping in touch with me all this time.  I love to get mail and to have people to write to and actually write back, you know?

The only reason I hear from my family is when I call or when something happens, you know, like people get hurt or hospitalized, yadda, yadda.  I call and talk to my son a few times a week and I write to him a few time a week also.  I keep a journal that I write to him everyday and sometimes even more than once a day.

I can honestly say that I haven’t heard from his (the victim’s family) at all.  I can bet that when the time comes for me to get released from here and if any of his family is still living I bet they will be here boycotting the release of a crazy murderer, you know.

You guys take care and I am going to write the paragraph that I would like for you to post on Craigslist for me.

Love,

Arline

Personal Ad

I want someone to love me for me, with all of my idiosyncrasies.  I don’t care what you have done as long as you don’t judge me for my past either.  I want people to accept that I have a child and I am in prison for a substantial amount of time.  I want someone to be able to come see me and even continue to see me after I get out and maybe, have a life with me and only God can judge.

You know my name, NOT MY STORY!!!!!!

arline-lawless-7

Hey,

Well, I thought I would send you a new idea for Dungeons and Dragons.  It’s a dwarven race called “the Overdwarves.”

Going to be watching the Superbowl this afternoon.  Hope New England does win.

So how are things going with you guys?  I am still in contact with my sister and she and her husband are doing well, although their dog has diabetes and has to take medication for it.  Brady the labradoodle turned twelve years old this year.

So how are the cats anyway?  Do they try to wake Rage up at three in the morning?

Yes, the Patriots won.

Good night.

Kenneth McDonald

kenny

Hey,

How are you?  I guess you could say that I am doing okay.  I thought I would write, for I have not heard from you guys in a bit.  I hope all is well.  I don’t have all that much going on here these days.  I still don’t hear from Lori anymore.

I guess you could say that I have thought about what Santos said about writing a book and I just might I don’t know just what I should write about.  I thought I would write about who I am, but fuck, I live a pretty fucked up life as we all know.

I still speak to my mom and Cherokee, they are doing good, of course.  I can’t wait to be back in Maine, even though I feel there is nothing there for me anymore.  I already know that  Lori is going to fight to keep the kids from me.  I guess you could say my friends are my only reason for coming back even though you guys are my only friends, at least the only ones that stuck by me through all of this.  I don’t really care what people think of me out there, for I live my life for me and not for anyone else.

So how is everything working out?  I hope good for you guys, for yes, I know just how much you guys like to fight for rights (LOL.)  How is the Project going?  I hope you guys have not fallen back in a dark hole, but if you have, see the light and come back to us.  I know just how hard it is to keep from the shit.  Yes, I mean shit.

How is Bella.  I would say she must be getting big, but  then again she can’t get any bigger (LOL.)  Yes, I am still working on the new letter; the next one is coming out soon.  I just have to wait to get a few more things for it.  I guess you could say you know how that is, right?

I guess I will close for  now and write you guys more another day for I should be getting ready to head back to my unit for the morning (LOL.) Yes, I should have said that I am not in my unit right now, I am in education writing this, for I had to help a friend with something up here.  I will let you guys go.

God bless you and be well,

Your friend and brother,

Joel R. Dudley

father.dudley

Circle:

How’s it going? I guess you could say I am doing good, but fuck, still have not heard from my mother, so to put it: no, I really don’t hear from my family anymore.

I guess you could say I am working on getting my e-mail here, so yes, I hope to get that next week, but fuck, I still need money just to use it (LOL.)

I guess you could say right now I could careless about playing with fire when it comes to writing D.S. For yes, I don’t hear from Lori, but I don’t call right now, I don’t even write her.

So hey, just in case they let me have my email, what is your addy so I can put it on-line for it might work better.

I would say any pictures you want to send me would be okay, for I like them all (LOL.) I don’t see much of my life on the outs.

I am getting a new pair of glasses soon, as I get more money I will need to get a picture for you guys for you know just how it is. Sorry it’s been forever since I wrote for as you see I write the printer here has been down so I couldn’t get labels and you can’t send out mail if you don’t have them. I’m headed out to see if they fixed it tomorrow for I don’t have classes again ’til Monday. Fuck, it has been a long week (LOL.)

I am going to head to bed now, but I will always keep praying for you guys.

God bless,

Father Dudley

father.dudley

Hey,

I deleted the article itself – just too damn long for a blog post; think of the eye strain!  But, if you’d like to scope out a tale of adventure, with many pictures and links, follow this link: http://thebollard.com/2014/11/02/sherwood-forest/

and learn about my life as an outlaw, on the banks of the Fore River in Portland.

Be well!

Rage

What’s killing your heart?  I sit, filled with love, hope, peace, silence, prayer?  Or is your heart filled with fears, obsessions, worries, dissatisfaction?  Is your heart filled with addictive thinking or behaviour?  Whether you are a person in jail or new to the concept of peace, I hope you will find time to examine your own heart and identify your own challenges.

There are empty places that I cannot fill.  Deep pains that still haunt me.  So, I fill my self with things that don’t satisfy.  Things to soften the ache inside.  It is an endless cycle of stuffing down the truth of my heart – instead of letting it soar freely.  For only in truth can I find release.   But when I face the reality of the darkness, the truth of all things that hold me, the chains can be broken and the path to healing can begin.

Truly loving the self involves willingly befriending what emerges into the light of conciouslness.  Befriending doesn’t mean always agreeing or cooperating.  It  means, in a way, treating the different aspects of ourselves as “others” the same way we might tyreat them if they appeared in other people.  We listen respectfully, cooperated and cherish or forgive, as called for.  Should some aspect of the self prove difficult or an enemy, we practice the difficult art of blessing it and praying for it, seeking out the heart of its disturbance rather that hating it, cursing it, and seeking to destroy it – even while we restrain ourselves from acting it out.

Growth is not always about getting through terrible pain.  Most often it involves change, perhaps only a small shift in awareness or embracing a good part of you that got lost.

Ust the things of this world as nature needs them, but not with excessive attachment.  For people become like what they love.

Frankie McNiece

Hey, how’s everyone doing?  Hey, I’m glad I have a roof over my head.  The Kurdish guy in the next cell is cool.  Hopefully, he knows some Kurdish music.

Well, today I’m watching the Ghost Rider and Fantastic Four movies.  Weather has been kind of warm and nice.  I’ve been doing pretty good and staying out of trouble.

So, you’ve been putting my AD&D stuff on the  blog?  That is cool.  Have I got any comments on the stuff yet?  Been looking therough the Encyclopedia Britannica, and found two islands that you can post on the blog.  Let’s hope that the extinct volcano on Saba Islet is actually extinct or else Bottom and Windward are in a whole lot of trouble.  I will send more stuff later.

Malibu Owl

There are things I thought I knew, and it turns out that my ideas and knowledge are that of a sheltered little boy.  Yeah, I know, I wouldn’t have classified myself as sheltered either, but there is so much out there beyond me and the little I know.  Right now, my head is a mess.  I am battling the pain and horror of learning that childhood beliefs in the world and myself are false.  I am evolving, becoming so much smarter and stronger, but it is not easy.  I do not wish/want to return to the ignorance and naivety that defined me but I do recognize how ignorance is bliss.  I have had to learn some very painful truth about my abilities or lack of them in the last month or so.  It is all worth it though.  I am becoming the best I can be.  Which is doubly important so that when I come home I will be able to be successful and no, I am not trying to become a better criminal, even though knowledge is power.  Hahaha.

As I am,

Prince

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Political Prisoners

Welcome to the blog from inmates of Maine's jails and prisons.

In collaboration with the Holistic Recovery Project, the Political Prisoners Blog provides a prisoner's view into what's happening at Maine's correctional facilities.

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