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Mama Love insisted that if we were home that the boys would eat together.  Most nights she would eat with us, the exceptions being if we had pissed her off severely or if my father was home.  If he was home, then they would eat together in the living room or the study.  As a family we spent a lot of time around each other.  I can remember wondering why, when I went to my friend’s houses, why they didn’t eat together, or spend as much time around each other.  A big reason behind learning to cook was just wanting to be around Mama Love.  My younger brothers had no desire to learn; their interest in food began and ended with the placement of food on the table.  I selfishly wanted to,and got to, spend time with her that was ours alone.

When I first moved in with the Fortunes, there were already two older boys there, Nate and Mark.  Nate was long-term foster care – he had lived with the Fortunes for around eight years.  After I’d been there for a year, Nate graduated from high school and moved back with his biological family.  Mark was adopted by the Fortunes exactly a year before I was and was the oldest until he graduated and moved out (well, he stayed for a year after graduation, “finding his way” and all that.)  For about four years after I was the oldest son and with my father spending more time out of the house than in it, I was the de facto head of the household, with most if not all of the responsibilities that came with it.

Mama Love had over fifty foster kids during her time working with DHS, so I have spent more time wiping butts, giving baths and telling bed-time stories than some parents I know.  We used to get looks when we went out because of how many of us there were and the fact that some of us were lack and some of us were white.  My father is 6’6″, 280 pounds and black and Mama Love was a red-headed, short, white woman.  Mark was around 5’9″, stocky, almost pudgy white, with short, spiked hair.  I was and still am a 5’9″ dark, full-blooded Haitian, Leo (another adopted-brother) a 6’6″ light skinned half-Jamaican.  James, a biological Fortune, was young, white with bright red hair (think of the kid from “Jerry McGuire,”) glasses and freckles, while Tony (adopted brother) was young, half-black / half-white with green eyes.  I never looked at my upbringing as different.  It was just the way my family was.

My mother was the keeper of my secrets, hopes and dreams.  She was the one person in my life that has ever loved me unconditionally.  As my father and I were too similar to talk, share, or even like each other much, she was by default, my mother and father (him not being around much helped as well.)  While, in fairness, my adopted father did teach me some aspects of how to be a man, some lessons I needed (like to always take responsibility,)  other lessons that shaped me at an early age have left me wondering the cost, i.e. the ones about how men never show emotions like pain and hurt, or how men never cry and rarely apologize.  It was Mama Love who really taught me why it is important to be a man.  How it is your actions and not your age that make you a man, and that the two best things that I can do for my loved ones are as follows: firstly, if you really love someone then you are there for them at all times, not just when you’re needed, and secondly that it is more important to make sure loved ones have what they need rather than what they really want.

I remember walking into the house after school or practice (I played three sports: football, basketball and baseball, so almost every day after school I had practice or games and wouldn’t get home until four or five at the earliest) and being greeted by the smells of cooking food and the sounds of my brothers.  It was as if when I opened the door to my house I entered another world.  The sounds would hit me as soon as I opened the fake wooden-paneled door, depending on the time my brothers would be in the room on my right, “the library” (which is where we had desks and computers for homework or personal use) doing their homework quietly.  Well, it was supposed to be done quietly, but, when have boys ever been in a group and ever done anything quietly?  In fact, it was when we were quiet that we were up to something.  As soon as we stopped making noise you could count on Mama Love coming to investigate.

When I would shut the door the smell of cooking food would permeate my nostrils.  It was as if my house was a cocoon that opened itself up and embraced me with sounds and smells of love, like they were just waiting for me to come home and now my night, my family’s night and our house’s night was complete.

(More to follow.)

As I am,

Prince

danny.2014

Robin,

As far as my family goes, I don’t know what I might had done, but I guess they are all mad at me or something. Yeah, they didn’t send me a card for Mother’s day and I haven’t gotten a letter from my mom or my son.

I had a girlfriend in here since November, but she left in May to go to rehab. She wrote to me, but I still miss her. I am making a blanket with her name on it. I get to have a blanket, shower bag, make up bag wash clothe and a pair of slippers. I think we an also have three pairs of homemade socks also. My son is with my mom and he has been.

I guess you could say I have an attitude like a dove. I wish that I could have a dove again. You said there is a pic on facebook of me with purple hair. Can you look up stuff like pics and stuff? If you can my pics of my doves are on there.

Well, talk to you later.

Lawless.

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Circle,How are you?  I guess you could say it has been going okay, for now.  I sit here in my cell at 130am, just can’t get shit off my head.

I did find a couple of things I meant to send you guys a wile back for the website but of course I forgot to send them.

Fuck, I really don’t know what to do for Lori and the kids are and always will be my world.  I just don’t know.

I guess you could say all I do is teach my class and watch t.v. for the rest of my time but I can also say I try to call my mom and Lori everyday for I keep my hopes up but who knows, right?

SO I guess you could say you guys are the only people who I hear from.  I just don’t know what the fuck it seems all of my family and friends have left me behind.  I guess you could say I write them, but don’t hear back.

I guess you could say I should lay down so yes, If I can fall asleep then I should try.  But I will of course write you guys more over this weekend so please whatever you do keep in touch for I could always use a friend.

God bless,

Joel Dudley

joel

Circle,

How are you ? I guess you could say I have seen a lot better days – I still have not heard from Lori and the kids but of course, who knows.

Sorry I have not written for a little bit, I have had some medical problems in the past few months. I have been having some really bad, light headed dizzy spells. Medical here really don’t know what they are doing for all they keep saying is “drink more water” but of course you know how doctors in prison are for fuck, I just wish I could stop being dizzy for some days I can’t even get out of bed.

I guess you could say I still feel lost, for I don’t really hear from anyone but you guys, or I should say “you” for you’re it.

So have you heard from Dark Star, for yes, it would be great to hear from her. But, if you guys want she can send me more pictures just like you guys can as well.

I guess I will let you go for now, for I need to work on what I’m doing in class tomorrow, so if you need it I can give you my second copy, when it comes to class for yes, I have two weeks left of my defy class I took. You should look up defyventures.org. I know their site sucks but yes that is a program I took here. I will write you guys more later, for yes, I know you enjoy hearing from me (LOL.)

Father Dudley

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Hey Circle,

Sorry it has been a while since I have written.  I am good.  I guess you could say I am happy.  Just my family has pretty much given up on me.  I haven’t been able to talk to my son since God knows when.

I have been crocheting with thread, grappling pictures and stuff.  I love birds.  I have seen a fat little bird going to the dentist.  A red hawk, some crows and of course, seagulls.

If I could be a bird I would be a dove like “Pietrie,” my dove that my little man found in a mud puddle.

Well, write back.

Lawless

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Circle:

How’s it going? I guess you could say I am doing good, but fuck, still have not heard from my mother, so to put it: no, I really don’t hear from my family anymore.

I guess you could say I am working on getting my e-mail here, so yes, I hope to get that next week, but fuck, I still need money just to use it (LOL.)

I guess you could say right now I could careless about playing with fire when it comes to writing D.S. For yes, I don’t hear from Lori, but I don’t call right now, I don’t even write her.

So hey, just in case they let me have my email, what is your addy so I can put it on-line for it might work better.

I would say any pictures you want to send me would be okay, for I like them all (LOL.) I don’t see much of my life on the outs.

I am getting a new pair of glasses soon, as I get more money I will need to get a picture for you guys for you know just how it is. Sorry it’s been forever since I wrote for as you see I write the printer here has been down so I couldn’t get labels and you can’t send out mail if you don’t have them. I’m headed out to see if they fixed it tomorrow for I don’t have classes again ’til Monday. Fuck, it has been a long week (LOL.)

I am going to head to bed now, but I will always keep praying for you guys.

God bless,

Father Dudley

father.dudley

Hey Circle,

How are you?  I guess you could say I a good for now.  I am glad you say my kids look good for Lori hasn’t even sent me a picture of them in over a year.

I don’t know what Lori’s deal is, all I know is she said that she was filing for divorce,  so fuck, I just have not really been doing all that much.

I will write another blog soon, but I just need to get money for a copy card so I can copy more of my sermons for you guys, for I only get one copy of stuff here.  I just need to wait and see how long it takes for me to get the copy  card.

I would love to hear from Dark Star, for yes, it would be great to hear from her.  I would love to be able to get more form people for yes, it feels lonely not hearing from people and losing my family and friends.  I guess I will have to find someone who can print out some pictures of my kids for I would love to see them soon, but still awaiting money to call my mom.  She don’t write me.  I guess she is going to write me soon, but that is what I always hear (LOL).  I guess most people only know how to say that they are going to do something soon.

God bless,

Joel

joel

 

Hey,

How is everyone?  I guess you could say I am okay for now.  Sorry for not keeping up with my blog but of course I will keep up with more parts now that it’s almost February.  Right now I am working on a new study on “God at the Center.” As soon as I’m done with it, I’ll copy it and send you folks a copy.

I will call as soon as I get more money, for it will cost me $3.50 but I guess it is worth the fact that you guys are my only friends as of now, for yes, this casr has taken alot away from me.

I have been working on passing around the Free List for, yes, it has come in handy for some of the guys in here.

Sorry for my writing; it’s late here, for hell, I only get a chance to write people at night, but I guess you could say it could be worse writing (LOL.)  Keep praying the court has a head and can see past the lies of the agents and overturns my case for you know I could never have done any of this crap.

Have you any pictures of Catherine?  For I could use some now that I can’t see her. Also enclosed are a couple of sermons of mine for I found a couple that I had copies of so I thought that I would send them.

Let Circle know that they are always in my prayers, for yes I keep  you guys in them everyday!

God bless and love,

Joel Dudley

father.dudley

Hey, Circle, what’s poppin’?

Right now, I only have 1 ½ classes and those will be done at the beginning of August. I finished Psychology with a B; I’m not particularly proud or happy about that. I dropped the ball there a little bit. I didn’t study for the test as much as I should have and rushed through the when I took them. It’s kinda disappointing because I want to major in Psy. But, lesson learned. One of my other teachers (for my business class) is from the Gardiner area. He knows me or at least of me. That was kinda awkward at first. I wonder, will I ever be able to meet somebody who knew me or knows me from my past and not feel that rush of shame? Anyways the awkwardness was all on my part and once I got past that, everything has been cool.

I’ve been getting a lot of winter sun and I love it. The Winter has had great weather (at least the first part.) What’s the best thing y’all have done outdoors so far? I haven’t played much this season; most of my games have been scheduled for the same time that I have class, but that’s okay. I’ll take the education over a couple of hours of fun any day. I recently lost my job because of scheduling conflicts between work and school. That kinda sucks because I definitely could use the money, but again, I’m putting school over everything else.

So I don’t know what’s up with Mariah. I’m a sucka for love. I know Allah has plans for me so I”m just gall back and see what’s really good.

Alright. I’m gonna hope that all is well with you and yours.

As I am,

Prince

prince

Well,

My son had anticlastic shock about two weeks ago so I had to put all  my money so I could sing his lullaby that I wrote for him.  They called his father, then his new wife, and then they called my mom.  David (my ex-husband) was livid that the school didn’t call him first.  Well, my mother said that his cellphone was in the truck and so was hers.  Mom said that they were lucky that they could get a hold of me.  He could’ve died.  His oxygen went from 99 to 72.

There fore we have to try a bunch of things that he might be allergic to.  We think that one thing that he might be allergic to is tomatoes.  He had spaghetti the night before his scare.  Then he had tomato soup and grilled cheese.  They are not letting him have cheese, whole grain bread (only white.)  No tomato stuff, no pizza, beefaroni, ketchup, nothing tomato.  Also, no peanut butter and jelly.

On Wednesday he has to have an M.R.I. Thursday the eye doctor to see if he damaged his optic nerve.  You know with his oxygen level dropped so low.  Then on Friday he has to go see an allergy specialist.  Then the Monday after he has to go and see a neurologist.

From: Arline

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