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What’s really good?

Things have been kinda hectic  here lately.  Long story short: people don’t realize that “real” muhfuckers live and die behind/over words.  Somebody said something and it had to be dealt with.  The person who said it was not prepared for the level of violence that the words caused.  So their friends stepped in so I stepped in for my man.  It was a bad situation for a while.  God forgive me but the adrenaline made me feel so alive.  Everything seems so much, well, “more: when you’re on that tightrope between life and peace on one side, and bloodshed and pain on the other.

Racial tensions here are sky-high.  I imagine it’s only a matter of time before there’s a race riot.  There is so much ignorance and prejudice here.  There’s prejudice on both sides, but in defense of the brothers, most of the whites they come in contact with are either outright racist or so ignorant of black culture that their comments and actions seem racist.  I have been blessed to have met so many amazing white people that I have been unpleasantly surprised about half the population up here.  Anyway, that’s neither here not there, just the events of the past week have brought it all back into the spotlight.

As I am,


So, as I’m sure you can tell by the paper and the pen, I’m in the Box again.

So, yeah, Friday the 13th.  So it was a regular day and I was supposed to take my college readiness final.  Actually, I was supposed to take it last Tuesday, but I wasn’t ready, so I pushed it back to Friday.

So, I’m up at the yard, and I see somebody who had done something he shouldn’t have the last time I’d seen him.  So I looked at him.  He saw me.  I walked over to him, and we started shaking.  (When you shake, it’s a really good fight.  If it’s just so-so, it’s just a fight.)  So,  mind you, this is right out in the middle of the gym.  He was standing 15-20 feet from a c/o, but he, the inmate, wasn’t gonna move away from the c/o, so we got it on right there.  It was bloody.  He gave me my first-ever bloody nose (those are a bitch.  It bleeds a lot.)  and I split his eye, nose and lips.  Plus, his tooth got in the way of my hand, and split my knuckle to the bone.  It took stitches to close it.  Should’ve been more, but the doctor just pulled until it closed.  His eye got ten stitches.

We got maced with the big riot-fog cans.  They are about the size of a can of tennis balls.  That was unpleasant, to say the least.  I felt like I was on fire.

So, as you can imagine, I got lugged.  Now, they’re saying I can go back to population sometime next week, but I have to be on a behavior plan.  I can’t go to the yard for 30 days, except for school or religious purposes.  I have to have a room by the c/o’s desk.

Just some juvenile bullshit.  It is  what it is, though.  I bought it, and I’ma pay for it.  It was something I felt I had to do, so I did it.  I’m not saying I’m right, but it’s over now, and time only moves in one direction.

To change the subject, I just had the MOST AMAZING conversation I’ve ever had since I’ve been up here.  The person I was talking to was X.  He is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.  I could write pages on him, but I won’t.  I’ma just give you just one point of the convo.  He asks: What is a human, and what separates us from the animals.  Me, I don’t know.  Answer:  the ability to dream.  Then we talked about the difference between dreams and ambitions.  Ambitions are something you want to do, have, and see (and get this, b/c it’s mind-boggling.)  A dream is God talking to you.

A dream is God talking to you.

As I am,


Beer after beer after shot, my bar tab grows I was there when they opened, I’ll be there when they close what you ask, is a nice Irish lad like me doing wallowing alone, in so much misery it seems the Gods have dealt me, A big hand of shit I can’t make sense of it, and the pieces won’t fit my woman has left me, so I’ve nobody at home both my mind and my eyes, are now free to roam I like to see tits, hanging from shirts and tight little asses, only half covered by skirts these simple things, and a drink or a few cheer me up when I’m feeling, depressed and blue I was in the bathroom, simply taking pics a young woman comes in, and says you want some of this not for a second, I didn’t even have to think I fucked her right there, as she bent over the sink three drinks of Bacardi, were my hydraulic lunch I’m fuckin’ wasted, now it’s more than a hunch I sat down to rest in a booth, then I put my head on the table the bartender hollered, Hey buddy walk if you’re able I toss my beer to the floor, as I head for the door I stumble then mumble, your mothers a whore the night air feels good, and soon I’m awake but how much of this crap, does one man hafta take a friend of mine pulls up, and yells from his car why the hell are you walking, let’s go hit a bar we find one at last, a place to shoot pool but I’m so fucked up, I can’t sit on a stool my friend hears of a party, a better place to be so we stock up on beer, and head out to the country we arrive at a camp, with a big bonfire blazing twenty people or so, sit on lawn chairs lazing I find a comfortable chair, this is partying in style a few pills are passed to me, which I pop with a smile beer after beer, I’m enjoying it here though after awhile, all sights disappear I’m awake before sunup, all covered in soot somehow it seems, I’ve burnt the boot off my foot there’s nobody in sight, but I hear music in the camp I take off my trashed footwear, and head up the ramp there are people in here, that I met last night they’re laughing at me, saying I look a fright I ask if they’d know, where my friend may gone they say he’s passed out in his puke, out on the front lawn I down three shots of jack, and grab him a beer I kick him and yell, let’s get the fuck out of here so with puke in his hair and a beer in his hand he laughs when he realizes, he’s not able to stand I go find the cooler, then drop down beside him I’m just guessing here, but I’d say our future looks grim I explain that we both, need to get back to town he looks at me seriously, with a really deep grin he says there’s no way, he can possibly drive I say no shit, but I’m barely alive We agree to sit there, until there’s nothing to drink it doesn’t really matter, we’re too fucked up to think many cans later, the beer finally gone there’s a big ring of empties, all over the lawn I ask him how, he can get me stranded like this he says aw fuck you, I’m gonna lay here and piss the lawn gnomes have hidden, and so too have crows it seems everyone hides, from us drunken hobo’s

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Political Prisoners

Welcome to the blog from inmates of Maine's jails and prisons.

In collaboration with the Holistic Recovery Project, the Political Prisoners Blog provides a prisoner's view into what's happening at Maine's correctional facilities.

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