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You ever hear the saying, “the more things change, the more things stay the same?” Well, that’s how it seems in here to me and I dunno if that’s a good thing. I’ll explain: I don’t like change. I think the reason for this is because most of the changes in my life have been major and while I’ve controlled/effected the little things that have lead up to the major, the major is , almost out of my control and almost always BAD. And yet, I keep repeating the same control, manipulate to avoid the change cycle. To keep it 100%, I’m scared of change, because it’s unknown. It’s fucked up because the last thing I want to do is become comfortable here. This is a lot of stopping point a refinery, if you will. I was once told that the bigger God’s plans for me, the more the Devil will try to test me. What are your thoughts on that?

There’s to many things that I want to do

In this life with only you

There’s too many sights and too many sounds

Too many starving people just hanging around

We will do our best to feed the needy

Then lie awake knowing that our souls won’t bleed

There’s so many things that I need to know

In this life that only you can show

There’s too many soldiers fighting in the sand

Dying for reasons they don’t understand

Time to cut our losses and just pull out

Does anyone remember what we’ve fighting about

There’s too many things that I’ve got to see

In this life so will you follow me

There’s too many disgraces on our faces

There’s no more pride not even traces

Too much is wrong it’s been far too long

It’s time to stand up and be strong

There’s too many things that I want to be

In this life yet for the world to see

I want to be proud able to stand tall

want to be accused of dropping the ball

In this life what I need to be

is a decent man for our society.

What’s up? Just the same old shit here just another day in paradise!

Addiction sucks trust me this I know, not alcohol but an addiction is still an addiction all the same. Just take things one day at a time, I don’t want to see you back in here man. That is a huge fear of mine when my time is up here is slipping up and getting high. I am sick of doing time but things are overwhelming when you leave here especially after doing an eight year sentence, I can only imagine how things will be. And getting anxiety just going into the visit room to see my family here, but enough of all that.

Oh shit I almost forgot. Did you hear that Kelly Larsen passed away, I guess his mom found him in his bed the next morning. I don’t know the exact cause of death, but I had heard that he was clean from drugs so it could have been his diabetes or something. It’s too bad man he was a cool kid and I liked  him a lot. Makes you realize how short life can be I guess.

Hello everyone. It’s X-Ray again! It’s been about five weeks since my last blog. Have you ever loved anyone you haven’t met yet? I believe in love and that’s why I have a heart of gold. Ms. Cattia Bartlett is so amazing. Thank you so much Cattia for the pen pals. I appreciate it so much! MUAH! Time is better with some new friends. Thanks to you, I have three pen pals. I am eternally grateful.

So, my blog this time is about life. You meet certain people for a reason. Just like certain things happen for a reason. Should I say that maybe some higher spirit is directing me? I am so blessed knowing I have made true friendships in here at Windham Hilton County Club.

Meeting Rage was a complete surprise. I believe it was Fate. He has given me strength and courage. Sometimes if you can imagine someone like myself being a gay american in a person where you really don’t fit in because of peoples’ ignorances, then meeting a man who has crazy hair and totally outrageous insight to this world and what he has been given is amazing. I am totally thankful that Rage found some sayings for me.

Some quotes if you will. My favorite saying is “I ain’t no shampoo girl, I’m the real deal!” if this sounds familiar it’s because he got it from the movie Monster, where the charlizetheron throws herself into the gross role of the prostitute killer / lesbo. Such a scary movie! I could only watch it just once. Poor girl, poor life she lived. but that saying always was in the back of my head. I had forgotten it until I met Rage. Love that saying, “I ain’t no shampoo girl, I’m the real deal.” LOL.

And a complete funny joke about gay men, it’s, “What kind of tea don’t gays like? Cun-tea!” LMAO. Funny Shit. Little things amuse me.

Like, I think because I’ve finally accepted myself a weight has been lifted off. And being off the pot helps too. I’m much happier now five months in prison than I was on the outs, not grasping what my life was meant for and just the confusing cloud that everyone goes through. The stress of worrying what it is, my life should be like.

Now, I finally know the secret “acceptance” of yourself, and not judging. There is so much more to life than what I made it out to be. Another quote: “Get busy living or Get Busy dying!” So true! Hate depression but I do believe depression can be cured with love with friends and family and of all things, “acceptance” of one’s self. Like one  of my favorite movies says, “Don’t get mad – get even!” Happiness is the key. No one can take that away. I have totally been soul-searching in here. I’ve been using my time wisely. What I need to do now is leave commissary alone. LOL

I just want to say that it’s deff been an experience to spend a year with different roommates, “most of them crazy” a living sober life.

Love the clarity of it all.

And just something random – I friggin’ love Adam Lambert.

Little oh me spent a week in the hole. SEGREGATION – it’s for the birds. It’s a boring dungeon of a place. Thankfully I only spent a week. That was like a month ago when I amde the decision to hit a seven-foot mother fucker for referring to me as a fag one too many times. I never scratch or pull hair, I stand up for me. I love me!

Thanks everyone for reading. Thanks to my new pen pals. Cattia I don’t have your address so write me! XOXOXO – Thanks Lyssarian, send my card reading to me place.

Good thoughts!

X0x0,
– X-Ray
Raymond Munson
MDOC# 83366

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Political Prisoners

Welcome to the blog from inmates of Maine's jails and prisons.

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