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Hey,

I’ve been in such a bad place, I’m so scared I’ll be locked up forever.  I’ll never get to see my kids again.  I’m just so scared.

I have never been around religion or had it in my family.  I feel as if I had God in my life before my lief got this bad, maybe I would of done better for myself.  Ever since I’ve accepted Him into my life I’ve been stronger.  So people only go to church or bible study to get out of the block, so did I at first.  Until God spoke to me.  Everything they read and spoke was what I needed in my life.  Look up the song by Crowder, “Come as you are.” In Bible study the other night this song spoke to me.  I couldn’t help but break down in tears.  I wasn’t alone, though; all the ladies were crying (thankfully.)  Didn’t want to show weakness.  I’m still learning the Bible and learning the stories of Jesus Christ.  But in Church two weeks ago, we started with a prayer.  The lady was telling God to knock at our doors and I shit you not, the bookshelves started knocking… my mouth dropped open and I was in complete shock.  But I needed to know He hears us.  It gave me warmth for some reason.

I feel hopeless  I can’t do anything to help my situation locked up in here.  It hurts so bad.  I will absolutely pray with the ladies!  They have been teaching me a lot about the Bible.  I have a friend in here who is reconnecting with God.  She’s amazing.  I’m actually going to request a minister.  The girl I was talking about above did, and I never realized that I could in here.

I have absolutely had sooooo much tragedy.  It’s awful being young…it’s fucked up.  I blame myself for putting myself in a impossible situation I had no control over, couldn’t get out of it.  Was completely trapped. I see mental health and am waiting for the grievance councilor.  Honestly, jail isn’t bad.  We get maybe two new girls a week, but they never stay long.  There are a lot more men.  The C.O.s are great here.  The food isn’t the worst.  And there’s a lot to do around here.  I WILL NOT BE BACK! after this is over.. seriously though, I won’t be back.  I need my Freedom.

The things I would do for a smoke… damn.

It’s all about getting out of my mind.  It can be very depressing more lately.  I will get through this.  If I can get through this I know I can get through anything!

I don’t know how to do Origami.  I totally wish I did though.

Keep praying!

A-rain-filled-Tabitha

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Holistic Recovery Project,

Thank you.  Thank you for thinking of me and praying for me.  I’ve found myself looking to God in this desperate time in my life.  Needing the guidance and structure.

This is my first time in “trouble” with the law.  So going to jail for something like this was very scary.  Especially knowing I’m not guilty and I have only to hope my attorney can prove it.  I have a lot of time over my head and it makes me so sad.

Thankfully the c/o’s here are great, along with the girls.  I have realized I have more support outside than I had thought, which brings me hope.  Not knowing is absolutely the hardest thing right now.  I have bail hearing [near the end of the month.] If all goes well, I’ll be able to have a little more time of freedom, so please pray for me.

Thank you for the [“Free stuff for convicts”] list.  And thank you guys for being the first people to write to me.  Keep praying for me.  I need all of the strength I can get, I find myself struggling daily.  I’ve only been here for days and it feels like so long.  How did you guys do it?  I’ve been reading books daily and doing inmate programs to make time go by faster.  I’m terrified I’m going to be stuck here for a while.  Thank you again for reaching out to me.  It means a lot.

God bless,

A-rain-filled-Tabitha

Female prisoners are being "excessively strip searched"

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Write to Arline via:

Maine Correctional Center – Arline Lawless – MDOC #60057

17 Mallison Falls Road – Windham, Maine 04062

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Political Prisoners

Welcome to the blog from inmates of Maine's jails and prisons.

In collaboration with the Holistic Recovery Project, the Political Prisoners Blog provides a prisoner's view into what's happening at Maine's correctional facilities.

Only your vigilance on the outside can guarrentee that justice goes on on the inside.

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